A Ten Year-old's memories of Good Friday

I took my three oldest children to a Good Friday service at a church close to our home.  We are members of a church about fifteen minutes away, so it was nice to go to a nearby church.  The service was a mixture of music, movie clips, prayer and communion, with the pastor adding a few comments throughout.  Overall it was a very relaxed and reflective experience.  It made me think about Good Friday services I've attended throughout my life, and one in particular that I will never forget.


Growing up my family attended a small, traditional United Methodist church.  When I was about ten years old, I was the acolyte for the Easter weekend services, including Good Friday.  I loved being the acolyte for this particular service because I got to light and extinguish thirteen candles instead of the usual two.


The traditional Methodist Good Friday service uses thirteen candles to represent the twelve disciples and Jesus.  Traditional hymns about the crucifixion are used for this service: What Wondrous Love is This?, Nothing But the Blood, O Sacred Head Now Wounded and Were You There?.  Passages from the Gospels and from OT prophecy are used to weave together the story of Christ's final hours.  As each passage is concluded a candle is extinguished, symbolizing the disciples abandonment of Jesus.  As the service progresses all the candles are eventually extinguished except the Christ candle, which is left alone burning on the altar.  It's a compelling and effective way to remember and retell the story.


The last passage read during the service is  from John 19: "When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."  Then someone standing in the alcove of the church gently sings a capella: "Were you there when they crucified my Lord?".  When the song is over it is utter silence in the sanctuary.  Then the acolyte stands up and walks up to the altar.  Picking up the Christ candle the acolyte slowly walks across the platform, down the steps and down the aisle towards the back where an usher holds open the back door of the sanctuary.  The acolyte slowly takes the candle out, leaving the sanctuary completely dark and silent.  This symbolizes the Light being taken out of the world when Jesus died on Golgotha.


After a few minutes of silent and dark reflection, the acolyte brings the lit candle back into the sanctuary and places it back onto the altar to remind everyone of the hope that is coming on Sunday.  The congregation then leaves the service in silence and reverence.  This is a powerful way to remember Christ's death on the cross.


Except the Good Friday when I was ten years-old.  At the appropriate time I carried the candle out of the service and through the back door like I was supposed to.  I stood outside the sanctuary holding the candle in the entryway of the church.  As I anxiously waited for my cue to go back inside, a stiff draft from under the outside door blew the Christ candle out!  "Oh sh*t," I whispered.  I quickly looked around in a panic.  There were no matches to be found in the entryway!  There were no lighters!  Did someone hear me say "sh*t" in church?  What was I supposed to do?  The Light is not going to come back into the world, and it will be my fault!  Just then the usher opened the door and whispered, "Is everything okay?  It sounded like you said, 'sh*t'".  He took one look at the anxiety in my face and the dead candle and started laughing.  He laughed as he took out a book of matches and re-lit the candle, and he was still laughing when I re-entered the service and placed the candle up on the altar. 


Fortunately, the crisis was averted and no one's faith was shaken by my failure to bring the Light of Jesus back into the world.  After that I always made sure that I carried matches in my pocket when I was acolyte.


I guess it is kind of funny now.

Love Wins - My thoughts on Rob Bell's new book

After seeing the interviews given by Rob Bell in the national media last week for his latest book, Love Wins, I bought it and read it. There hasn't been this much controversy in Christian circles about a book since The Shack or The Da Vinci Code.  I was at a conference this past weekend with other Navigator staff and I heard someone call it a "cursed book".  I couldn't wait to read it.  Click here to view Rob Bell's promo video for his book.

If you want to read a brief, well-written response (instead of what I've come up with), go here (Amazon review).

There are a couple things you should know about Rob Bell:  He is an excellent and creative communicator.  Whether its his preaching, his writing, or his production of video media, his style and teaching are funny, effective and explosively divisive.  He's been called many things: a rock star preacher, the next Billy Graham, a Universalist, and a heretic who teaches a false gospel.  My sense is that he loves Jesus deeply and he has great compassion for those he feels are on the outside looking in (the poor, the lost, those who don't "fit" into evangelical circles. etc.).  He writes like he preaches and it is often compelling.  He has an intentionally provocative style which certainly comes through in this book, and there are far more questions than answers or conclusions.  From the start he acknowledges that nothing he is saying is new.  (He borrows quite a bit from C.S. Lewis, Tim Keller, N.T. Wright and others).  So I definitely recommend reading this book, if only to participate in the conversation.  But do so with a praying and discerning heart.  (See Acts 17).

"Of all the billions of people who have ever lived, will only a select number 'make it to a better place' and every single other person suffer in torment and punishment forever?" (pg.2).  This is the fundamental question at the center of the book.  Another one: "Does God punish people for thousands of years with infinite, eternal torment for things they did in their few finite years of life?".  The book is drenched with Bell's incredulous and intelligent responses to these basic questions.  He spends considerable time addressing the question of how you become one of those who "go to a better place".  "Whenever people claim that one group is in, saved, accepted by God, forgiven, enlightened, redeemed - and everybody else isn't - why is it that those who make this claim are almost always part of the group that's 'in'?".  These questions stack up, and so does his criticism of evangelicals.  As a conservative evangelical myself, I can say that we often (sometimes intentionally and sometimes not) have judged and alienated those who don't follow Jesus.  We have observed their choices and lifestyles and categorized them, instead of having compassion on them like Jesus did.  We have focused on their foolishness while somehow ignoring our own.  Nonetheless, Bell's vehement critique of the "E-club" gets old after awhile.  Like listening to a one-string banjo.

I want to briefly discuss two of his main points, one I agree with and one I do not.  

His discussion of heaven is very good.  He is critical of the assumption that heaven and eternal life are something that exist somewhere else and later.  "Eternal life doesn't start when we die; it starts now.  It's not about a life that begins at death; it's about experiencing the kind of life now that can endure and survive even death." (pg. 59).  This life comes through Jesus Christ when we choose to follow Him - eternal life now.  "Jesus talked about a reality he called the kingdom of God.  He described an all-pervasive dimension of being, a bit like oxygen for us or water for fish, that he insisted was here, at hand, now, among us, and upon us. . . Jesus invites us, in this life, in this broken beautiful world, to experience the life of heaven now.  He insisted over and over that God's peace, joy, and love are currently available to us." (pg. 61-62).

He also encourages the reader to think about about the gospel primarily in terms of joyous participation rather than just as a ticket reserving your spot in heaven.  "Life has never been about just 'getting in'.  It's about thriving in God's good world.  It's stillness, peace, and that feeling of your soul being at rest, while at the same time it's about asking things, learning things, creating things, and sharing it all with others who are finding the same kind of joy in the same good world." (pg. 179).  This sounds like what Jesus describes as "life to the full" in John 10:10.  I like that - we have an opportunity to experience the sanctified, joyous life that awaits us in the redeemed, re-Creation NOW, HERE, through the Gospel.  This is good.

His discussion of hell and judgment is interesting.  He has grabbed hold of the idea that we can experience hell here on earth through our choices.  By rejecting God and choosing to exclude Him, we experience hell now, and increasingly so over time.  This is Great Divorce imagery and quite true to an extent.  He spends a great deal of time flushing out this point.  He also rejects the idea of God's final judgment to an eternal torment, and instead seems to embrace the idea that, "given enough time, everybody will turn to God and find themselves in the joy and peace of God's presence.  The love of God will melt every hard heart, and even the most 'depraved sinners' will eventually give up their resistance and turn to God." (p.106-7)  He also writes, "untold masses of people suffering forever doesn't bring God glory.  Restoration brings God glory; eternal torment doesn't.  Reconciliation brings God glory; endless anguish doesn't.  Renewal and return cause God's greatness to shine through the universe; never-ending punishment doesn't." (p.108)  (I find myself wondering where God's holiness fits in here?)  He references "a long tradition" of serious Christians who also held this view (Clement of Alexandria, Origin, Gregory of Nyssa, Eusebius, Jerome, Basil).  This certainly leans heavily towards a universalist view.  Lastly, he references Revelation 21:25 as a biblical example of people having limitless opportunity to be reconciled to God, even after the appearance of the New Jerusalem and into eternity.  "We read in Revelation that the gates of that city in that new world will 'never shut' . . . gates are for keeping people in and keeping people out.  If the gates are never shut, then people are free to come and go." (p. 115)  Bell consistently encourages us to not make theologies based upon one verse, but does it himself in this instance.  And he seems to dismiss the numerous passages and images in the Scriptures that indicate there is a final judgment (Matthew 25, Revelation 20:1-15, Daniel 12:1-3, 2 Thess. 1:8-9, and 2 Peter 3:1-10 among others).     

In my opinion Bell has become so uncomfortable with the idea of lasting judgment that he's now completely rejected it.  

Sidenote: A serious mistake we can make is presuming to know WHY he's gotten to that place.  "Oh, he's just a liberal!  He's just one of those emerging church guys!  He's just preaching what people want to hear so he can keep the seats filled!  He just this or he's just that!" - Big mistake.  Only God knows the true journey of his heart.  To presume we know shows that we are ignorant and narrow-minded. 

Interestingly though, with all the questions he asks, he never actually claims specifically that there is no eternal punishment.  Nowhere in this book.  He simply gives example after example, posing question after question (How could God still claim to be loving if He sends billions of people to eternal torment?  If God wants all people to be reconciled to Him, doesn't God get what God wants?  Do we actually have to trust Jesus to rescue us from God?).  Is he chickening out? Perhaps Bell's main purpose is to get us to think.  Maybe it's to stir up the E-club to think and act with greater compassion and grace.  Maybe even he doesn't know what his purpose is.  One initial visceral response I had to his promos and interviews on TV and online, was that he was only reinforcing this stereotype that Christians are judgmental numbskulls.  I think it's likely people would see this book and his media blitz as more evidence that the orthodox Christian worldview (more simply - the Gospel of Jesus) is irrelevant and impotent.  That's probably happened to some extent.  I'm relieved that God is bigger than NBC and YouTube.


This book has some very positive, intelligent things to say.  The best chapter (the last) is actually the shortest.  It lacks the biting, provocative style of the rest of the book, and probably represents what his true voice actually is.  But his biblical thinking also has some serious holes.  I've already heard a couple people praise this book because it affirms what they'd hoped all their lives (that God loves us too much to bring eternal condemnation upon us for our simple sins).  But the idea that we would try to make God or His Word into something that we're more comfortable with is troubling.  Doing that has caused more problems over the centuries than probably anything else.

Answering my friend's question...

Since joining Facebook in May of 2008, I've reconnected with dozens of people from high school and college. Each reconnect is interesting because they all knew me before I became a follower of Jesus. My life has changed so dramatically since then that during these reconnections I'm compelled to talk about it.

One renewed friendship is with a girl I used to date in high school. I was a total shit to her back then, and she has some understandable bad memories of me. After hearing about how my life had changed, she asked me how/why I would devote my life totally to God. I've included my very long answer to her question. Hopefully we can continue to dialog about it together from afar. She lives in Arizona.

Here it is:

***********************************************************************************
Okay, I'm going to do my best to answer some of your questions. I certainly don't think you're being disrespectful by asking me to talk about my faith.
It's best if we go back to the beginning so I can set the context for you. At different points I'm going to quote passages from the Bible.

My stuff from high school continued when I went to college. I pursued music, sex and drugs/alcohol all with equal passion. Eventually I was taking drugs most days of the week (primarily dope and shrooms). It had wrecked a lot of my relationships, including my relationship with Christina (my wife now). I had grown up going to church every week, and even went during college most Sundays with my parents. I knew a good deal of the stories of the Bible and knew who God was and who Jesus was. My problem was is that I didn't believe much if any of what I had heard, and it had almost no impact on my life.

So my life went on like that until my senior year in college. My senior year was pretty difficult. My drug use and stupid behavior was reaching it's apex, and after years & years of thinking that I was going to teach music and play music professionally, I decided to walk away with no real plans for what to do next. I was asking a lot of questions and I was becoming more and more discontented with where my life was heading. Now, one thing that my church experience had given me was a healthy concept of feeling guilty over my choices. My parents had that number down cold. So I had all this unrest and guilt in my heart with no idea how to manage it. I had briefly become involved with a Christian ministry on campus (Hope Fellowship), but I didn't stick around because for the most part no one seemed to have any real interest in me. My reputation certainly preceded me.

Anyway, during this time that I started asking questions, I began meeting these people at AU who were involved with The Navigators. These guys were the first people I'd had ever met whose faith seemed genuine--it made a visible impact on their lives. God was real to them, He spoke to them and directed theirs lives (according to them). But of course I thought that I would never be able to have what they had because of all the bad stuff I was into. It was also at this time that I started thinking more about Jesus and the whole issue of His dying on the Cross to "save me from my sins". This of course I had heard growing up in church and also from my new friends, but I had systematically rejected the whole idea. Deep down I knew that I was holding Jesus at arm's length, and I just didn't want to give someone else control of my life. The Bible teaches that, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Isaiah 59:2 says, "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear." I thought a lot about this idea of my sin--I had plenty of sins to choose from in my life. And I definitely felt like there was a great distance between God and myself. I looked at the lives of my new friends and I saw peace, and I saw friendships that were genuine, and I saw lives that were filled with purpose and conviction.

My friend Nate was the one who spent the most time answering my questions. Among the many things we talked about, two things still stick out in my mind. The first is from Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our LORD". That reminded me of John 3:16, which everyone in the world knows, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever might believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Eventually, (and I cannot pinpoint a day or time), I found myself contemplating becoming a follower of Jesus. As I wrestled through what this would mean to me, I found myself excited about the idea of being able to trust God. I remember thinking that my music, theater and druggie friends were going to think I was such a hypocrite. But I didn't care. I felt like I was being chased by God. I couldn't get Jesus' words from John 5:24 out of my mind, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." I had this growing desire to find this source of life.

So, at some point, I made the decision to believe God. I made the decision that I was going to start following Jesus. Despite the fact that I wasn't sure what it would mean over time. Despite the fact that I wasn't sure what it would mean to my life. And on and on . . .

Looking back it was a period of about two years between when I first started exploring becoming a follower of Jesus and when I finally decided I would. During that two years I wrestled with God and my soul, and took more drugs & had more sex, and fought with God, and took more drugs, and fought with my new Christians friends, and took more drugs, and fought with my parents, and took more drugs, etc. etc. . . . eventually I gave up and told God okay.

Initially most of my friends and family thought I was a little off kilter. They laughed and said, "Pretty soon you're going to f@$#! up and what will your new friends think then?" And I did screw up a lot in the beginning, but the Navigator guys never bailed on me. They were committed to help me start a new life. And most importantly my greatest fear of all never came true: that God would give up on me and walk away from me. When I think back on all the terrible things that I had done and thought about, it can only be a miracle that God hasn't left me and given up on me. But that's the beauty I never knew before I decided to believe Jesus' words and follow Him. Jesus says in John 6:35 & 37, "Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. 37All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away."

I've now been following Jesus for 13 years, and it's been a wild ride. The most significant thing about my life since then is that God has been patient with me and has shown me great mercy. And there's a few key things that characterize our life together (Christina and I) as we walk with God. If you've read this far, I hope you'll read a little longer.

Key Thing #1 -- I have peace in my life. I am no longer am guilty about anything in my life, especially from my past. It says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old is gone and the new has come" Wow is this ever true! I believe completely that when Jesus died on the Cross and God raised Him from the dead, that my sins were taken away--past, present and future. I'm not saying that I no longer do things that are wrong (far from it), but I'm no longer guilty because of them. Jesus has made this possible for me and for anyone who might believe in Him. This has a profound impact on how I live my life and the quality of the life that I'm living because I'm not shackled by doubt and guilt deep, deep inside.

Key Thing #2 -- I can trust God for everything--I no longer have to worry about my life. Jesus said in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." Philippians 4:19 says, "My God will meet all your needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." My decision to trust God for everything has been the best decision of my life. This has allowed me to resist the fear of "not having enough" and the pursuit of greed and materialism. The richness of my life has enabled me to be content with all that God has provided for me. So I don't worry about if I will keep my job, or how we will pay our mortgage, or where we will get money to retire, or where our next vehicle will come from, or the high cost of gas, or the well-being of my children, etc. etc. Because I believe utterly that God will meet all of our needs--financially, relationally, and physically. In now way am I saying that we don't plan wisely or spend carefully or do what we need to do in order to survive. We definitely try to be the best stewards of what God has given us. But ultimately God is the one who meets every need we have, and He wants to do that for me.

Something that is a source of great hope and peace for me is: the Creator of the Universe, who is unlimited in His resources and power, has unlimited affection for me and wants to meet my every need.

Key Thing #3 -- I am totally secure in my identity. I know who I am and whose I am. This may be the most significant & tangible thing that has affected me since I started following Jesus. One of the things that has plagued me as long as I can remember is that I've done almost everything in my life from a position of fear. I was afraid of getting into trouble, I was afraid of displeasing my parents, I was afraid of failing, I was afraid of not fitting in, I was afraid of what people would think, I was afraid of not being the best, I was afraid of being laughed at, I was afraid of getting caught, I was afraid that I wouldn't succeed, I was afraid of being found out, I was afraid of looking like a fool, I was afraid . . . . Everything that I did was because I was afraid. Even when I was carrying on with the sex/drugs/alcohol, it was mostly all in secret because I was afraid of getting into trouble or being thought of as a druggie. I graduated magna cum laude from college in spite of all the drugs and alcohol because I was so afraid of not being successful in school. Every relationship that I ever carried on, male or female, romantic or platonic, was all about me--so needless to say they were all pretty much based on crap.

But Jesus has released me from all of that. In 2 Corinthians 5 the apostle Paul wrote, "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again." This has become what my life is about--to live my life for Him who died for me (Jesus) and not for myself. I am no longer afraid of failing. So my life has become about loving and serving others on Jesus' behalf. And this has transformed everything in my life, especially my relationships with people. Because now I see people not for what they are, but for who they can become. I see people as potential dwelling places for the Holy Spirit to live and lead, which has made my life incredibly exciting and fulfilling. By living a life not to fulfill myself I find myself filled regardless. It all goes back to where Jesus said, "He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. "

And also, I'm not a crazy nutjob. I'm a regular guy who loves his wife and children, who loves beer, who loves football and baseball, who loves hanging out and who is fiercely loyal and committed to his friends and family.

A final note: I need to disclaim that everything I've just said is the ideal--the goal to which I attain. In reality I can give into fear in a second. I can be an awful person, and awful husband, and an awful parent. I do the best that I can, but often my best isn't all that great. But because I've decided to trust God and follow Jesus, He gives me incredible grace to start anew at any moment. And that is my hope: that God is never finished with me. He is always helping me to become a more authentic man -- friend, husband, and dad. Jesus has done this for me. The things of this world cannot give that to us--the world leaves us empty, sputtering and in despair.

So that is why I've given myself completely to Him--to leave my life and the life of my family in His hands. I've given my life to God because He can do far more with it than I could ever do with it on my own. But I never would have discovered this unless I had decided to finally trust Him and receive Jesus to give me life. I can't imagine my life another way.


That took me a little longer to unpack than normal. I think I'm going to start a blog.

So do you still want to talk about this? I would love to if you do.

Your old friend,
Charly

More later . . .